Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Things Feel Unusal Today

I know I gotta go sleep early but I can't something feels off . I don't know why but it does. I hope today goes well. It should I mean I get to see my son. I hope my son is okay. Last Wednesday when I saw him he
sound like he was catching bronchitis Again. I hope not. I hope he is okay. I miss him alot.I can't wait to see him again .

Yesterday I did my errands like usual. So I didn't get to do much of working. But thats okay I will be doing alot of that later tonight after I get home from visitation. Tonight after I got home I went straight Back out. I went and hanged out with my friend . We played GTA 5. I love that game. 3 of my most favorite Games is GTA5 ,TSD2 (Test Drive Unlimited 2), and Mortal Kombat komplete Edition. Ofcourse All PS3 Games.

I love how much fun I have when playen them. I laugh alot and I get all my frustration out in the game.
I so want to buy a ps3 and ps4 . I want to get all my games I lost.  I miss them. I miss how free I felt when I played them. Its like my world was Complete and I had everything I could ever wanted without all the drama bullsh*t.

I have too much drama in my life. I hate it with a passion. I just love (being sarcastic) how people say they want a drama free life or live one . No offence but.... WAKE UP TO REALITY PEOPLE!!!!
There is no SUCH THING AS NO DRAMA!! Anyone who sez they want a drama free Life can go f*ck themselves because it doesn't Exist. If it did then why don't I have one???

And dont go telling me that I bring the drama to me or I deserve it Because I don't. It most likly the people I have been with,or hanged with or whatever. I have gotten rid of those people. but no matter what it seems like Drama finds me. I hate it.

I swear I am like a target to some people.Especially to people who know I am vulnerable they love to play with my head and mental games. I hate those type of people. Those people need there heads messed with to see how they feel like it . Matter in fact I think that is the reason why they do it ... it is because they have been messed with so they think it is funny to play with others mines.

Its f*cked up and they shouldn't do that. They also shouldn't manipulate people. I have been bullied before so I know what it feels like.But  like the saying goes " What goes around comes around"  or "karma will bite them in the a** "  2 sayings I live by. I always watch and usually like the saying goes it happends.

So I don't need to do anything. All I have to do is watch and they will fall like most people do sooner or later.One thing I think people should do when there upset is to go play videos games it helps alot.

Sometimes Going to  counseling isn't enough. sometimes you gotta have friends to help get you through those moments. 1 hour a week at a counselor isn't enough in my book. At least not for me it isn't.

 so sometimes haven a support group like I.E (Family ,friends and ect) it can help alot.
Internet is one way to makes friends if you have anxiety issues or can't talk to someone face to face.
Or haven trouble maken friends. But one thing to always Remember is to becareful on who you are talken to . you don't ever know who you are talken too. Always keep your guard up.

I seem to make friends Alot easier on the internet then Real Life . but in eaither realm I seem to do about the same. I always keep my guard up and I wait to see if they are gonna hurt me or not. I always wait for that other shoe to drop. I dont really trust anyone. And who can trust anyone now adays? Lots of people are out to hurt people everywhere. From jobs (by back stabbing all the way up the ladder) to Friends (who only pretend to be your friends when they want something or when they see you being successful) .

yes I have been hurt alot and in so many ways. I am cautious of all people. but I am learning on how to trust. I am trying to anyway. I follow my gutt feeling. one thing they say you should trust. You can usually tell what people you can trust and not.

I have made alot of trial and errors. And I have found out the hard way alot. I Rather not find out anymore from trial and errors. I would like to skip that process and get success. but Life ain't that way. Nothing is perfect.

It doesn't help when you are growing up and have no Guidance. I didn't have any Guidance growing up and I was always seeking approval from others. To be honest I still find myself looken for Guidance or Approval from others. It is a flaw. But I am working on it.

Everyone has flaws. No one is flawless. I know I got alot of things to work on. Anyways.....
Well I will blogg more laters. It was nice to vent again. I just hope today is gonna be okay. Just something doesn't feel right and I dont know what it is . But I am sure I will find out what it is when I get there or it could be nothing at all. OR it could just be my nerves about Next Wednesday.

Next Wednesday I got Court . So I should find out what is gonna happen in the case. Hopefully all goes well.

Anyways..... Well I am off to maybe update a few more things then to bed.