Monday, May 9, 2016


I am so tired right now. I know yesterday i was suppose to work on cinderella and today but instead I spent time with my friend to keep my mind leveled . I really need to get out more and keep my mind busy which i have.

I will be working on videos But currently I decided to detour from the schedule since we no longer have Angelic Night being worked on .

There is another new game play for the that slot but it won't be revealed yet. Atleast not until Thursday.
Tonight I got a text from my social worker and a call from my lawyer. Apparently I get one more visit with my son on wednesday. Which makes me happy and sad at the sametime. Because It will be the last time I see him until he is 18 years old and he comming to find me.

I really can't wait to see him. Right now my lawyer is double checken to make sure it is okay because in the very last hearing (surrender hearing) on May 5th I waived my right and my lawyer to be there today at the final hearing.

Apparently they discussed me seeing my son for the last time this week. My Lawyer told me to set it up but he is double checken to make sure it is okay before I set foot in the visitation center.

So right now I am mentally preparing myself to see my son One last time before it seems like forever until i see him again. So if I dont seem peppy or uploading regular from Tuesday to Thursday This week Then you know why.

I gotta get up early tomorrow Because i gotta help my mom and half-blood brother clean there Garage . I still got alot of my stuff there since i lost my apartment about almost 2 years ago. :(

June 12,2014 Was when i Starting living in my first hotel for a week. then I moved to another one which was bigger and more comfortable on JUNE 19, 2014. I live there for 1 year and 4 months. Then moved to a nice 2 bedroom trailer where i am happier then where i was. so i am improven.

The first few months living in a hotel was hard and horrible. I was always scared and I got more insecure. To me it is like my life went directly to hell and I was meant to live in utter fear. I am use to fear but to sit there and actually have one of your fears come alive in boldly it was a nightmare.

To me I feel like i have been living in a nightmare every since I lost my kids. A nightmare that wont ever end and one where there wont ever be sunshine. I feel like Alice in wonderland where everything is just not real and everything is screwed up. my world is upside down. Now it is just time for me to repair it and start all over and make it go rightside up. it will take some time. So dont expect a miracle .

Thats one thing i dont believe in is a miracle. I always wanted a miracle to happen to save my kids and it didnt ever happen. Now look at my life now. It is in shambles. But I gotta keep going and fix my upside down world. Which I will. I just gotta be patient and not put so much pressure on myself.

I aint perfect nor will I ever be. I criticize myself alot but no worries It will be fixed soon. I will be okay guys. Just going through another moment again.

I will make a promise ...a promise that I will have to keep no matter what. I promise my kids and everyone who cares about me that I will carry on and do the best I Can in my life to improve it .

For all of you's who are given me a shoulder to cry on THANK YOU. Your my precious Gems of my eyes.
So I would like to take the time out and thank the people who have given a shoulder to cry on :

Pixie1doll , Kevin Smith, steven muskrato and Roburrito .

THANK YOU GUYS FOR YOUR SHOULDERS . I just hope that when you are ever in a moment i can be there for you just like you are here for me. Thank you guys.  *HUGGIES*

Anyways After Thursday i am gonna go back to schedule ( mixed morning and night schedule)

Just to let you know I am working on a project right now with secondlife movie. So i am still working Just on a video that is more complicated then all others. I So hope When I finish it you guys will enjoy it as much as i enjoyed maken it.

I am still here guys. Just I didn't expect another surprise from the court room *shakes head*  I am however happy that I get to see my son again one last time before I can see him when he is old enough (18 years old) to find me . So i just wanted all of you to know what is going on. I will always keep you guys posted on whats going on . I meant what I said. I will always be here with you and You will always be here with me.

We are family! *BIG HUGGIES*

Please keep a look out for another post tomorrow so you know what is going on and so on.  miss you guys already and it has only been a day. :( . see you tomorrow. look for my post. I will be looken for you like i always do when i post updates.  *Huggies To All Family Members*