Sunday, May 14, 2017

๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿ‘ถ Sneeky PEANUTBUTTERS ALERT๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿ‘ถ 2 PeanutButters saw my vidme Exclusive ๐Ÿ‘ˆ

Hello Sweethearts๐Ÿ’ž
*Kisses*๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’‹ & ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—*Huggies*

Alright Family! I know 2 of my peanutbutters๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿ‘ถ. I dont know who or if they were apart of this family but EAITHER WAY you are still my peanutbutters๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿ‘ถ.

*Continues while walken around with hands on hips while looken at whole family*

Listen I know Your my family and I love you bunchs but we can't be all sneeky pants๐Ÿ‘– like this

*gives you the cute face*๐Ÿ˜Š

Today you have proven one thing to me in this family of ours.

*looks at you* ๐Ÿ˜Š

 That you really do miss me and that you really do wanna see what I am creating. It brought a smile to my face.๐Ÿ˜ƒ YOU HAVE NO IDEA how much I needed this. I have been having a real rough day and this brought a smile๐Ÿ˜„ to my face. you made me so happy even though 2 cute Sweethearts๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿ’ž๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’– slip past me somehow

*hands on hips while looken at you sweetly*

I love you family. Your the best. Thank you so much for putten a smile on my face today.๐Ÿ˜ƒ
I really needed it and you gave me the bestest gift๐ŸŽ ever. OfCOURSE you do know now I gotta
change the rules again .

*smiles while having hands on hips*

Everytime you cuties do something I gotta change Rules. So We Are gonna REVERSE THE RULES AGAIN.

It is only fair If Everyone gets to see the first episode of the New ones that are going on vidme. So I will allow the first episode to be seen.But YOU ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜ŠSWEETIE FEETIES ,PEANUTBUTTERS๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿ‘ถ , need to behave. No more sneeky pants๐Ÿ‘– or you get time out๐Ÿคท in which sooner or later I will think of what that is. ๐Ÿ˜† but until then behave.


                     ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’– BIG HUGGIES AND KISSES๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–

                         ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–Sincerely With Lots Of Love ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–


Hello Sweethearts๐Ÿ’ž
*Kisses*๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’‹ & ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—*Huggies*

::Just A warning I am venting in this blogg. I am safe and am alright. I am not in any harm in any form. I JUST WANNA clarify that so no one worrys. I didnt need anything taken the wrong way. If you do have any questions though feel free to ask me but just fair warning I am very sensitive and am having a bad day. ::

A Promise is A Promise. I told you if anything happend or is happening I would tell you.
I dont know how many people actually care about me but even if you dont I still do care if I like it or not. Its one thing that I am. I am a person who cares about those who dont care.
Dont ask sometimes I wonder what it means .

Trying my hardest to make a vlog today. but it isnt going well due to my depression๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜’๐Ÿ˜‘๐Ÿ˜Ÿ which is at Mild mass now๐Ÿ˜.it was at critical mass๐Ÿ˜ฅ๐Ÿ˜ค๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ˜ˆ before but i managed to get through it and now it is down to mild๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ–ค*numb feeling now*.

Being honest it hasnt been a good day for me since I know what day it is and it is bringing alot of hate inside my heart because I miss my kids alot and there not here. I hate that there not here with me. I miss them but there is nothing I can do but wait for there return. Probley gonna callmy parents to vent some more. it does help me.

I wish people would forget about holidays and just celebrate halloween all the time so we can forget what the hell happyiness is . not all people are happy ya know. this world is fucked up. dont expect me to be happy. I am far from being perfect and far from being happy. I am fighten everyday just to hope that things get better.

๐Ÿ’™Hope is precious and is what keeps me going.๐Ÿ’™ My Blogger Series ,My Poetry, Music , Movies, and Video Games help me get through everyday.

My Blogger Series Makes me feel Like I am not ever Alone and is Loved in Returned.

My Poetry Helps me vent my feelings and Express them in a artistic way.

My Music Helps me Dig into my feelings that are locked away and helps me release them when I dance.

My Movies I watch Helps me Release and Confront my past and heal from the pain and suffering by knowing I am stronger and will become even stronger as i keep fighten everyday to succeed in life.It helps me release my emotions that are pent up and are bottled up in a healthy way.

My Videos Games Give me my Freedom and Social Interactions .
It gives me the ability to talk to people who i wouldnt know normally in real life. it gives me the ability to travel although I cant afford to. It gives me a life That I dont have in real life. I am able to be myself and express myself in a safe place. ( talken about second life MMORG GAME and Sims Game) I love playen all sorts of games because It gives me things I eaither do or dont have in real life ( MEANING ALL GAMES AT THIS POINT) . I love all my games I play. I love feeling like I am helping someone or saving someone life. I love helping people.

I feel like I am on lock down Because I am in my home 24/7 due to my car unable to be on the road.My Immobility is driven me nutts. I only get to go out once a week when I see my parents. I dont like feeling helpless or immobile. Being Immobile (not having a car that works and is off the road) and working all the time to forget that my life is really fucked up and is boring sucks.

The only way i meet or aka talk to anyone in this world is via Internet since I cant get out of my house due to my stupid car being broken. Hence puts me in Isolation even more. which is not good for anyone who has mental disorders *Points to self* . Its not maken it easy to interact with real people being isolated.

When someone is isolated so much they due tend to lose the ability to know how to interact with real people eventually. Hell my mentality is basically at this point when I see a real person i get excited and happy I am even talken to a real person. if feels like a gift that i get to talk to a real person versus hiding behind a computer all the time.

If anything and I noticed I have become even more clingier then anything else. Although that is the real me and has always been me. but then there are days I got mood swings where I wanna hide from the world and pretend like it never existed .

but when I do that if feels so dark and alone. {Metaphorically Speaking NOT LITERALLY. Trying to explain my feelings and my thoughts the best way I can ๐Ÿ‘‰)  it is like darkness surrounds me and nurtures my black little heart๐Ÿ–ค to become more bitter and to fill it with more hate.  The Demons in the darkness seem to fill my thoughts with more lies in my head about the world and how they dont deserve my love  and they need to feel my wrath and anger words. That all people are only out to hurt me and hate me. That the only way to not ever get hurt is to run away and destroy the love inside my heart and replace it with hate,numbness and Anger.

Now when I was younger that was easy to do METAPHORICALLY SPEAKING. But I dont wanna do that So I do that opposite and it causes alot of eternal battles. Its exhausting but I dont give up and I plan to win that war against my dark side sooner or later. 

So far Out of  all 3 of those I LISTED ABOVE ( Anger ,Hate and Numbness) I seem to eliminated 1 out of 3 so far. So I know I am doing pretty good. I just gotta keep working at it and healing .I am Just glad I got a phone so i can talk to my parents if I need to . That is the one positive thing i can see is that i got a phone to talk to my parents.

Anyways Thought I would let you sweethearts๐Ÿ’ž knows. Its one of my bad days again with depression. so I am gonna try my hardest to get a vlog and some work done today.I am gonna call my parents and talk to them for a bit . it does help me abit.


                     ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’– BIG HUGGIES AND KISSES๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–

                         ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–Sincerely With Lots Of Love ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–