Had a sad day :( and I am editing right now .

Well today was a very sad day . I tryed so hard not to cry in court today but it didn't work. I let myself down by crying. I hate myself for crying. Anyways enough said about that . I went to court today and I was so struggling inside my mind on if i had  Exhausted every option to save my son. But Just like my lawyer said last night on the phone we had done everything we could.

I just wanted to make sure though you know because I didnt want my son to think that his mommie didnt do everything in her will to get him back.

My lawyer pepped talked and help me through everything. he stood by my side and he didn't let me down.
I also got to meet another attorney who worked with him at his firm. he was a very nice guy.  It seems like
I have had almost every lawyer at there firm. I had 2 girls and 1 guy from that firm. but ALL of them had different approaches and did help me in my worst of times.

I am happy with the lawyer I have now. The reason why i say now is because my lawyer is my mentor now.
I would recommend him to anyone who asked for help. this guy has a heart of gold and will help you and give you the straight truth and also he is very compassionate person. He is one person I would trust with my life.

Anyways  I did ask if I could say something to the judge and my lawyer said yes and ofcourse asked what i was gonna say and to keep it short. ( which we got to because of the judges case loads and all and I understand that.) My lawyer just knows me to be a person who gives a speech that last hours. So he was just only trying to help me know to keep it short.

Anyways in the middle of my judges speech when she paused for a moment and I knew it was safe to ask her a question I did.

I said this word for word " Your Honor may I please say something" Ofcourse my lawyer at this point had asked me to wait until she was finished but the judge said I could ask a question. My judge was a sweetheart and I am so glad I had her as my judge. She was fair and Just and she was very compassionate and caring.

** Just to let all know my head is still a little foggy from earlier so i am sorry if i can't remember word for word for everything that was said***

I Then said  " Your Honor  *looked into her eyes* For many Years and with all the court cases I have been through that I had kept something wrapped up and I wanted to say something  "Your Honor " I love my son Jigsaw Schultz with all my heart and I just want what is best interest for my son and to let all know that.

At one point it looked like the judge was crying . she kept weaving in her chair like some do to stop themselves for getten upset. I really do think that it upsetted her. you know not in a bad way but like in a sympathetic way. like she could feel my pain and it bothered her.

This Judge I had has a heart of gold and she is very empathetic with her cases. She is a judge you want to have who actually cares about her cases in a different way. I have a few Judges I like because how they represent themselves and not only that how they have treated me and protected me and others.

Not all judges are like that. Every Judge is different.  To me certain Judges feel like there my mom and dad.
Some are very strict and come down on you hard and some are very compassionate and are very understanding . They are all different and unique in there own ways. Not one is the same.

After I said that the Judge looked at me and said in a understanding and compassionate voice that she was just gonna ask about the best interest of my son.  It seemed me and my judge understood eachother the whole time . I am so glad i had my Lawyer and my judge who was very understanding and kind and sweet.

After That was all said I began to start crying . I tryed so hard by gritting my teeth together to stop my self from crying , even as far as to pretend as if i was squeezing a ball in my hand but i wasnt  I was maken a fist and trying everything to stop from crying but it didnt work.... I began streaming tears down my cheeks and before you know it i broke down hard crying.

At the point my lawyer tapped me on my shoulder letten me know it was gonna be okay. The two sheriffs got me some tissues and my lawyer gave them to me. i tryed at one point hiding my face in the palms of my hands so now one could see me crying but it was to late they saw me .

I felt sorry for my judge I Think I made her a nervous wreck after i began crying badly because at one point i noticed the hearing was going even faster then before and my lawyer had to let me know when it was over.
I really was upset. My Lawyer did walk me out of the court room and to the front of the court house.  He talked to me a bit and letted me know it was alright. I told him I hated myself for crying  and that i was trying so hard not to cry. He told me that It is alright to cry that i was a human being. That there was nothing wrong with it. he letted me know that this is a new start ,a new Jennifer and that he wanted to hear good things from me.

I told him I would try my best.  I am really glad that I was given him as my lawyer and I am really glad I was given the judge I was given. I felt as if I was guided and protected like I should've been along time ago.I felt safe with them.

I am appreciative and glad My lawyer is my mentor. With him at my side I know I can get better and push forward . he has always helped me push forward and guided me the right direction and that is what i need in my life.

I don't want to let my mentor down or 2 Judges I look up too.I want to get better and improve myself.
After the court hearing I went to my moms house and my daughter and my mom gave me big huggies and letted me know that I did the right thing.

My Daughter (Akasha Pimentel) letted me know that when she turned 18 she was gonna save her money and get all her brothers and sister together to find me. My Daughter (Akasha Pimentel)  has the same feelings as i do. We are both hurt but we both know we all will be together when there 18 years old and that they will find me .

 (Akasha Pimentel) Gets to see me often because My mom lets me see her . So out of 7 kids I get to see at least one kid out of 7. My daughter Akasha Does keep tabs of her other siblings and talks to them. So I do get to know how there doing and all.

One thing about my Daughter is she is very persistent when she wants anything. Now the time Of Waiting begins as I wait for all my kids to come home . My doors will always be open to them and I will always love them and miss them.

I do know for one thing when they do come home I won't ever let them go and I am sure they wont with me either.For one thing I do know they are gonna be spoiled rotten when the come home. Because I will spoil them . Us Mom's tend to do that with our kids.

No matter what I will always be there mom and they will always be my kids. Right now my mind is
setted as if they have not ever left and that there always here because thats how i feel.
I feel like they havent ever left .  Its one way with coping with the pain . But I am sure that is how
they are coping as well.

They are probley counting the days until there old enough to find me. Just like I am waiting patiently for them to come home and counting the days. But I Feel like they are always around and I know they are because We all have the same heart. we are family our hearts beat as one. They always have me with them as they are with me .

Family is always together no matter where they are or who they are with. Love Conquers all.
I love you Jigsaw Schultz . Mommie is always here for you and all your siblings . i will be waiting for you and counting the days. I will always love you and miss you. See you soon my peanut butter. Mommie will be waiting for you. *Big huggies and kisses*


Anyways I am gonna get back to editing Angelic Night. Working on it now.

*huggies*


Sincerely

DancingSouless