💞I Love You And I Miss You!💖💖💖💖💖💖💟💌💝
*Kisses *😘💋💋💋💋💋💋& *Huggies*🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
Sometimes I cant make up my mind.I am going back and forth these last past fews days in my mind thinking if and when I should 🚚move📦🚐. If I move it will be back in a Hotel but That means my videos may come out slower which is fine as long as I can have my sanity 🙃back. I really need it back.😃 Living in the middle of no where and drama that keeps happening is just not what I want😒🙄. I need to relax 🏖but since I moved here I have been uptight about almost everything.Its Been Almost 2 years I think. Not positive unless I look it up. I dont mind living in a hotel aka Motel for awhile so i can save up for an apartment. 🏠.
My Car 🚐 Head Gasket Is still blown and still has been off the road over 1 year now.
I can't afford a mechanic which will cost me from $2500 to $5600 just to finish fixing my vehicle. AND I AM NOT GETTEN RID OF MY VEHICLE Especially when I know whats wrong with it.
If I do move I gotta go through the ringer of driven it so far then pullen over to cool down. Since it keeps over heating. Right Now I am IN A rock and A Hard Place. Btw There is a reason why I have been thinking of moving recently but I Will Write About it later and You Will see it later once I can wrap my head on what I wanna do.
Before Anyone asks yes my ex-fiancee and I were talken these last few weeks and yes about 99.9% of the arguments were with him. 🙄I needed his help on a few things like when I needed a ride to Best Buy to get my computer checked out and so on . Which he did help me with in which I appreciated it because that put less stress on me and my parents.
Not To Mention he seemed happy to help me with it.He Really doesn't have anyone to talk to So he would talk to me .And No Offence I dont have anyone to talk to unless it is my Boss's or Parents. So it all adds up "sorta speech" . Which I dont mind talken to him as long as he minds his P's and Q's.
I Really Appreciated the help he did. The One Biggest Flaw I got is If My EX'S ever do talk to me I always end up talken to them. I can't help it . I aint a 😠meany pants👖 like most. Unless you piss😤 me off then i will just block❌ and mute🤐 you on all things including phones📱 too. And if they keep pressuring😨😓😱 me then they get called☎ on by the 👮🚓🚔officers.
The Only Ex I won't ever talk to is my Ex-Husband in which I have a long life injunction on so he cant come near me, speak to me or anything . Because if he does he will be arrested asap.
As for my other Ex's they all got Different rules.it alls depends on what they did to me or how we splitted.The Biggest Problem I have is When I am lonly or whatever Then tend to know it and they contact me at my worst times. And Usually if I am in that moment I am screwed because I would talk usually just about anybody who would give me attention.
Its One Of My Down Fall's But I am trying to fix that one. I Just wish i had a person i could fix it for. As Always I am always looken for a reason why to be better based on someone else.Without anyone in my life I am always Just me. But Usually like Most people when they have a Special someone in Their Life then Its like they strive to be better.
I notice that pattern with me. Its like when i have someone Special I try to be better and get better in stuff I do . When I have no one I work harder then hell until the sun comes up and I obsess about my work all the time maken it my world. Not to mention I forget all the joys in life and act like they dont matter (like love and so on) At least until I hit my breaken point mentally and realize Just how alone I am and what I am missing.
If you didnt notice by now we also got a mental pattern here as well . aka emotional patten. Now if i can just get all this under control that would be nice. One Thing I would love to not have is fear. I live in fear everyday and it doesnt go away. It seems like fear grows more and more. I wish it wouldnt but it does.
It seams Most day's all I feel is fear,sorrow and Anger. I dont like it So I do try to make myself feel better. But sometimes it is hard. I have been talken to my mom more often now since this has been most of my days recently.
I am glad I journing this and writing this to you sweethearts. Maybe someone out there feels like I do or know what I am going through . Who knows I just know I will feel better soon. I DONT KNOW when but I know it will be soon.
I did talk to my mom a little bit ago and she thinks I should move too. But she said she would have to talk to my dad and ask his opinion. So sometimes tomorrow I will find out what everyone thinks and know where I will be headed to on monday.
I Will Keep You Sweethearts posted. Just having another bad day and a very emotional and confusing day. I just am glad I got 1 thing done today and that was releasing 2 videos (my finale video and a vlog video).
Hopefully I Will Feel Better tomorrow So I can work probley.