Saturday, January 2, 2016

Creating and Fixing Thing with Webpages And ArtWork

My Gawd it took me forever to fix my pages. But It's okay. At Least I got it done. Now i can begin My many works of Many things.Well While editing and so on I was thinking Of that dang phone Call I got. I am starting to begin to agree with the courts About my ex. 

So far I have been finding so many Lies about him little by little Just through Court
And his family members Since i have to deal with them because they want to know how my son is doing.

Everyone seems to be putten there burdens on me between the familys since this court crap began.

I am sorry but I dont think  His Family Should See the kid Since they gave him up and wouldn't hold On to my son until this court crap is over with. I dont think that they have a right to see him. WHAT GRANDPARENT Would Give up a child to Foster Care ? 

To me That Seems To be a Betrayal . If i was my son I wouldn't ever forgive them. Hell I am the mom and I don't even forgive them for that. I won't ever tell him about that Until he is 18 years old. then He can judge them himself. But Anyways That my opinion and I will let the rest up to 
The judge and what she Decides is best .

It didn't seem like his side Put much effort to take him . Its like they didn't put any effort. But My family did and they didn't ever get a chance. 

I tryed getten my parents to get him but courts didn't find it suitable for I have no da*n Reason why Since they have my Oldest Daughter who they adopted a few years ago. 

As you could probley Already Guess There is more to this story. Which there is. I just can't say to much because of the court case still going on. I hate it though. Because i want to vent and let all know what I am going through. It isn't easy being in this spot at all. 

All's I know is I am doing all i can to get my son back .But it seems so hard sometimes. But I know I can do it. I just get frustrated sometimes Waiting for an answer on What is gonna happen to my son.
I deserve my Son back. I Have done everything they have asked of me and Been trying my hardest at everything.

I just hope they don't retaliate at me for even venting But if they do I can sue them .Because I have the right of Freedom of speech as it sez in the Bill Of Rights.  I aint saying names I aints sayin who or what,when where and why . so what can they possibly b*tch about. But then again they always pick things apart Anyways. But Thats them. 

I guarantee I ain't the only one going through this and the reason why i know this is because I saw on the petition site that someone was petitioning these people for things they were doing to them. 

Sometimes I want to believe that there trying to help my side But I can't see it Right now. But then again I keep getten different story's from everyone and I don't know what or who to believe.

All I can do is wait for the judge to make the call and prove what is going on. Right now I look at my judge who i have now as a mother. Because she seems to understand me. She is strict but i know she has a soft side like some do. I just hope she is willen to give me a chance to Prove what I have been saying all along. 

I love my son very much. I cry alot because I miss him Alot. I know he must too . he always looks tired and his eyes look puffy like he has cryed alot . I miss my little boy. He is my peanutButter. He is my baby boy. I can only do so much. So I hope for what I have done already is enough. Because I aint no God. I am a human being. I can only do so much. All I can do Is be myself and just let them see what I have done to make things better. 

I know their Probley Gonna Judge me Just for being A Entrepreneur. Because they want Steady Income. Well my parents already Made a promise to help me as long as they can. I have tryed in the past to apply for jobs everywhere. But I aint gonna apply to things I can't do or have a degree for.

Why Would you apply to things you can't do or Have a degree for ? When in the end they'll find out and eaither you will get fired because you cant do the job or you will end up quiting because it is to difficult. I rather not go through all that drama. Its bad enough i got drama in my life. I could do with less drama.HELLOOO! ugggg. lol. One of my blonde moments. although i ain't blonde.

Not to mention I got health Problems. Like I have Heart issues (Heart murmur) Blood Clots that go through my heart and i have no idea when it is gonna happen next, I have recently been diagnosed With Vertigo I think it was in nov when i was diagnosed with that but aint sure. I have Breathen Issues that Arise that comes and goes (bronchial). And from what i have notice the last few times I have been in the ER They have been putting me on oxygen.I do know i have poor blood circulation and Anemia. And boy do i get yelled out for that. Not my fault. 

The last 2 years I have had my potassium and magnesium constantly been almost down to nothing because my body is haven a field Day with using all of it and not tellen me it needs more. *shakes head* You think it would tell me about it.

Now if you were an employer and heard all of that would you hire me? My Answer would be no because I am a Health Risk. Everyone tells me I should go for medicade but i have and they won't give me it and SSI Sez i am still able to work. So Its a catch 22.   

So With all that stuff . It puts me into a situation where i am now. So i figured I would do what makes me happy. I am very passionate with being an entrepreneur. I plan to strive for better and I WONT EVER GIVE UP. I WILL GET BETTER.

There is one person Who was my family Therapist Last year who said She believes in me being a entrepreneur. She said I can do it . SHE Believes in me. Which made me feel good about myself.  As you can tell I have low self esteem.I am working on getten it better Though.

but Anyways some other People Don't have faith in me . OR believe I can do it because I aint smart like Einstein. I remember one day about 3 years ago or so I remember a counselor Saying that I probley Wouldn't be able to go to college because I wasn't smart enough. Boy did it make me feel upset. I kept getten down on myself on why am i so stupid. what did i ever do to be born stupid? I kept blamming myself for something i had no control over.

Well later That year After I went to another counselor after I switched them. I found a great counselor who saw alot of Protential In me. She said That I didn't need to be a college Graduate to be a mom and that anyone can raise a child. She told me That i was a great mother. She Really helped me alot . Even when it came to comming out of the closet. Little did she know... She was the one Who was the first to know About me Being a lesbian. 

When it comes to my comming out story I came out in the Worst time Ever. I came out in the court room and they judged me for it. Talk about Harsh. The judge didn't judge me it was the other people in the room who did. And those same people Are judging me now. I Don't ever seem to get a break Anywhere. But I can see why since i Got scared and went Back into the closet Shortly after That. 

But then I finally Got the gutz to quite being so stubborn and I got back out of that closet and broke that door so i can't ever go back into that closet EVER AGAIN. lol . Well i had to make that joke. It was a ROUGH TIME DARN IT ALL .LOL. It seemed everytime Someone would judge me I would hide. i swear to gawd i was a hedgehog or something LOL ROFL.  

My one ex gf Judged me for it. She kept telling told me to quit being scared and stop hiding. but then again look at her life. HER LIFE WAS Messed up bigtime. so she should talk.  Anyways. I did finally come out all way like i said. The last past 2 years I went through 6 ex gfs and all the same Judgemental, nutters in the head ,unstable and ect. Now I am single and well... It sux but At Least I aint with a nutters person. lol .

This time around I am doing everything different. Which I am proud of Myself for. I am finally Doing things I want to do. I am finally Living my life for the real person That I am. I will admit Its a little scary but I am doing quite well.

One day I will have to blog about how I came out. That way everyone can understand how hard it was and the struggles I went through.

Well Anyways I am gonna go watch some SharkTank episodes . i love that show. It inspired me alot :D . My favorite is Barbra, Lori , and Robert On a good day. On a bad Day I like to be like the sinister side  like Kevin and Mark. I dont know but those guys seem to be the villians it seems.Sometimes I feel so sorry for robert Because he gets screwed over on deals alot. Poor guy. 

Well Anyways. I am gonna get going.  At Least I feel much better now. before i was grouchy LOL.  I feel alot better when I Vent Versus Bottling it up. I think later this month I am gonna make an appointment to see my old counselor and see if she thinks I am doing well and if There is anything I can Improve on. 

Hey At Least I Ain't afraid Saying i need to visit her again. I just know money has been tight and i have been trying to reinvest in my car ,business, and home. But I think some of that can wait for 1 week you know because i am at least covered for that week. Eaither wise I wouldn't make an appointment.I would just wait one more week.

Well Anyways Now I am going LOL. main I cant seem to go sometimes LOL ROFL. 

Well sincerely


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