Sunday, January 3, 2016

Just A Blah Day But with Interesting Things

Well Yesterday Just was another one of my blah Days. I Finished all my uploads atleast some I did. I didn't get to bed until like 8am or so. Then woke back up at 12pm because my friend came over and knocked on my sliding glass door to see if i was home or up. So i walk to the otherside of my place and open the front door and answered let him know I was up .It was my Friend Carlos. He wanted to see If I was okay after yesterday. here's a recap of yesterday ( Recap ) WELL yesterday I cryed a bit because I missed my son and it bothered me alot. And later that night My other friend came over and saw I was crying and told me to come over since it was really effecting me. She could see my puffy eyes .

 Here's the problem I was only crying for maybe 5 mins . But my face shows everything even if I try to cover it up with washing my face and so on. Well anyways Instead of going over to her place I decided to stay home and work on my projects to get my mind of things and also Listen to music and ect. Which it did help.
Because less then a few minutes after she left I was doing my work and getten better. Plus I vented here which also Helped me cope with the situation I am going through.

To be Honest I could've used a nice warm hug from someone who cared for me in that moment when i cryed. hugs help me a bit too. It makes me feel like I am not alone and I am cared for. I am a very affectionate person and Also Sensitive. I dont ask for much. But my one friend she isn't that type of person.

Sometimes I Question If I should let some of my friends go. Well I already Except for 1. He is nice and he is a great friend. I hope to find more people like him to have as friends. You know it reminds me of a story when I was Younger. I had a friend named Amanda. She was the bestest friend Anyone could have. She was a Friend I had when I was like in First or Second Grade. Anyways I remember how upset I would get when she would leave.

So I would invite her over to stay the night more often and we had tons of slumber partys. It was so much fun. We stayed Friends All the way up until I moved from New York. I moved From New York When i was 11 years old To  Edgewater Florida. My Aunt was dieing at the time. So my family picked up and moved.

I have Moved Quite abit in Florida and OutSide of Florida. But thats just some of my story about me when i was younger.  Anyways Back to the main Story. Well After Carlos checked up and saw how i was doing he asked if I would hangout Later and play GTA 5 with him. So i said yes ofcourse just come and pick me up at 6pm.  He lives right down the block for me but it is nice to be picked up by friends.

Well shortly after he left I went back to bed until At least 2 pm. Then i got up and Started to do my work and all over again. He later on picked me up and we hanged out and played GTA5. We had so much fun. When he dropt me off later  (he doesn't like me to walk alone at night ) I don't blame him. He helped me get my cd player fixed in my car. Apparently It needed to be clean. He had a CD Cleaner.

I was so excited that he got my CD Player fixed. For the longest time I thought it was because it needed to be replaced with a new one. Apparently not. All it needed was to be cleaned. I was so tired of listening  to the radio All the time because Nothing New is on and all the same old songs keep playen over and over.

I hate it when the same old songs are on playen over and over again.I am sorry but most popular songs get way over played and by the time its almost half way through the year they sux. I swear Last Year I got bored more Quicker then now. But I am just beginning this year so lets see how this year goes.

My blogs take forever to complete because I keep getten sidetrack. I had to comment on the Youtube 2015 Rewind Video. After watching it like 2 times . LOL ROFL. I Get so sidetracked easily thats why some things take me longer to get done. But thats how I work sometimes. Eaither wise I am so focused it is like the world and time Don't Exist Anymore.

I Still like to know how I can make that happend sometimes where I zone out and just focus on my work and not the world around me. I dont know it seems more peaceful that way I guess. But Ofcourse when I stop and i realize What time it is and all I am like Da*n it ... it is morning already. Then it is like I hate he sun and like GOOD NIGHT and  I am asleep.

My Sleeping pattern Ain't ever the same and I am happy with it and they way it is. I hate people who try to change that part of me or try to Change me in general . To me it is like they can go f*ck  themselves. No one changes who I am or what I do. Sorry I am tired of Being controlled.

Most of my Life I was always Being Controlled by someone . I am tired of it. Now I am at the point to tell people to go f*ck themselves and get bent. I am happy with who I am and what I am doing with my life.
I have my ups and downs. But thats normal. Somedays  I want to hide from the world and other times I love being center of Attention.  It all depends on my mood.

In my past I was diagnosed With  {{Bi-polar Manic Depression, schizophrenia, Borderline multiple personality disorder, Borderline personality Disorder, and PTSD ( Post-traumatic stress disorder)}}

The most recent one is the Post-traumatic stress disorder . The other ones are gone completely . I had another Evaluation Done. To be exact 3 done in October 2015 for my court case. I had a physiatric Evaluation Done and 2 physiological Done. They told me I didn't have to do the Extra physiological Eval but I told them I wanted to because I was willen to do what ever it took to get my son back. I wanted to Prove to the courts How much my baby boy meant to me.

I am and will Do almost anything to get my son back Legally.So thats what i am proven. I told the judge along time Ago that i would keep Doing the eval's OVER AND OVER AGAIN JUST TO PROVE MY POINT THAT I AM NOT NUTTS AND THAT I DONT NEED MEDS.

All my Evaluations All HAVE BEEN SAYING FOR THE LAST 4 YEARS That I DIDN'T NEED MEDS AT ALL.The only recommendation I got was just to see a counselor until they discharge me . I Did see a counselor for all the years when they provided me with the funding for it . Eaither I can't Afford A counselor who's rate is like 150 Per hour. Thats Just Crazy .

I rather spend that type of money on my son ,home car and ect. Not only that they wanted that 4 times a month . F*ck that. I can't afford it . The last time I saw my counselor was July 1st, 2015 . Yes i wrote that down. there was no way of remembering that far back and that Exact Date. Plus I keep taps of everything since I have to for this court case and not only that but for myself as well. 

I like to try to know everything I can about myself. I know that sounds weird but I AM still learning about myself since now i am by myself and out and on my own  (Sort of) Mainly because my parents are still helping me . But thats okay. i am working on becomming more financially independent.

Plus to be honest I ain't ever alone that long because I am always doing something or out about or hanging with my one friend when I ain't working. He works but he also wants to start his own business from online. i am trying to help him with that.  Thats what friends are for Helping eachother out.  

We talk about his business ideas and all but he hasn't started his business yet. But I am sure in due time he will. I know he will. I have faith in him. Just like i do with some many others .

Everytime I blog its almost like I can't ever stop writing. but i love Writing and expressing Who I am and whats going on in my life. 

One of the things I like to do in my spare time is Writing Storys ,Poems, Poetry, Draw ,Dance ,maken movies, taken Pictures, Modeling for pictures , and so much more. When i get into my creative moments its like Fireworks going off . Its like in that moment I got so much power inside me its like I have to keep going until i fall asleep and then wake back up and keep on going.

I love that Creativity Bursts I get. It makes me so happy . I love being creative I know I have so much to offer and so much i can do. Its Like I am Tinkerbell and i might be tiny but I have the creativity of a Universe and beyond. :D .

Here i am  rambling on and on. Its almost like i am talken to someone . But i am not it is just my thoughts.I know for one thing in my past I lost alot of friends because of that. I can't help talken alot. When you don't have friends for so long all's you wanna do is share your thoughts. Or When you hide yourself from the world so long you tend to want to meet others like yourself.

You know like haven Gaming Buddies to play games with, Or a friend Just to take a walk with and maybe get something to eat together ,or someone just to sit down and have deep Intellectual,
Philosophical, and Psychological conversation or Ect . I have had all this before with some people in my life but they tend to move on and so on. Or they change . 

But thats okay I am pretty sure there are more people out there like that maybe.
Anyways I better get going.I am gonna go and get some more work done with editing and so on.Plus I am gonna go and learn some more educational Stuff as well. The more knowledge the more power I say :D. Anyways  See ya on the next post :D



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