Monday, June 13, 2016
Orlando's Shooting and how it has effect me Alot! Please take a look My Sweethearts ♥♥♥♥♥♥
HELLO FAMILY !!!!!!
I LOVE YOU AND I MISS YOU BUNCHS!!!
Hey Family I wanted to let you know why everything has been unstable with my videos being released and everything. All's I KNOW right now I am haven a terrible time dealing with this situation that just happend
With Orlando's mass shooting. My One guyfriend was suppose to go that night club but luckily he got sick and didn't go. I dont think him getten sick is a good thing eaither .Family and People let me clarify that. What I am saying is If he wasn't sick he could've been one of those causality's in the mass shooting or even I could've been if i went. Thank goodness for my car not working. But For those who lost there Lives in this shooting.... THE HATE HAS TO STOP.... our country needs to be fixed. There needs to be more love not hate.
Trying to work now is difficult I can't even think right. I don't even know how to process what just happend. As I am still confused from My own Situation that happend in September when my son was taken away and put into foster care due to my Ex-fiancee who was arrested with 12 charges . In which i wont go into detail about because it is personal and I am not ready Just yet to explain what happend. Plus I AM pretty sure my lawyer would have a hissy fit if i did right now. Like the saying goes there is a time and place for everything and right now is not the time to explain it.
But as i am still confused from that and then Haven this happen the month after things were finallized in court with my son being adopted out because it was the right thing to do ( plus there was no way for me to win since the opposite side was gonna make it impossible and unbearable and probley use my orientation againest me ) that is just a guess on that orientation part. but i didn't want to see what would happen so i did what was best for my son.
As you can see I am still hung up on the fact the lose of my kids and now I got more sh*t to deal with now because NOW It is effecting my orientation. IN which i wont clarify for safty purposes. Yes I am scared and I ain't gonna lie. Just to let you know In lot of my pictures you do see me smiling but inside I am crying all the time. TO be honest I am not that happy at all. It is like the picture you see on Angelic Night ( me with a mask) I am using that as a metaphor so you can understand how I feel and to better understand me as we are FAMILY. The mask hides my inner most precious thoughts , the person that is hurt from all the caos that has been in my life. The only way to protect myself is to front myself as a happy person who seems to be okay in this HATRED WORLD.
My tears On Camera are real, My Life storys are real, You do as a family get to see the real me and that hasn't been a lie. If you notice I express myself alot in my videos and I tell you what I think ,how i feel and show you emotions that I normally would try to hide. But I Am tired of hiding them. I feel comfortable with you as a family to share how I feel and show you it is okay to Express our Fears, Emotions and more.
I want you guys to be Strong . I know it is hypocritical for me to say it since i feel like a wimpy person inside and scared. but i feel my words do help those who need help and that my voice is heard by those who really need that extra push to push forward. I believe I have some impact that does help people. As I do love everyone as a family . EQUALITY. I do love helping people when they need help and I hope in return they feel the same. We can only wish for the best.
I know I said I would be open and Honest .. And I am. I will keep on trying to do my best for our family sakes. I will still be working and releasing videos but it may lag a bit since I am effected by this situation at hand. I wanted to be honest with you on that . I have been trying to find the right words and understand what is going on and being able to tell you . It has been differcult for me. I am sorry for being so closed up and confusing at times. but this is the only way I know how to deal with things such as these. Please Keep at look out for a video on this topic. As I am gonna make one because It is dear to my heart and very important to me.
Thank you And I love you guys with all my heart and I miss you bunchs.
Sincerely With Lots OF Love